Having diverted my attention from celebrity news for many months I find that I no longer recognize the names of the players, but the stories are the same and I should be able to fake my way through this.
Unnecessary and horrible new celebrity news blog "Accidental Sexiness" copied and pasted some other source's news of a domestic abuse incident involving two people I've never heard of, Chris Brown (has tattoos) and Rihanna (has cleavage). Due to either this violence or a car accident they also cited, they're unable or unwilling to attend tonight's Grammy awards for music that grandparents and advertisers have guessed that you would enjoy.
The Grammy Awards are named after the Gramophone, a device for playing music that has outlived the cultural relevance of the Grammy Awards.Though the identity of the attack victim has been withheld, my sharp mind has allowed me to construct the most likely narrative of the incident based on the pieces I've read.
Chris Brown and Rihanna were on their way to the Grammys. In a car. A woman in a second car caused an accident, injuring Rihanna's curiously angular face. Chris Brown beat the woman who caused the accident. Thus explaning, in the simplest way possible, a connection between Chris Brown's battery and Rihanna's injured face.
The only other piece of information I can derive is that at least one of them must be a musician, otherwise the interest in the Grammys cannot be explained to any reasonable amount of scrutiny.
Also with a better way to spend tonight than at the Grammys, Usher tends his wife after a complication with some questionably necessary South American plastic surgery.
Hopefully he can stand to even look at her, without the benefit of whatever weight loss/vaginal reconstruction surgery they felt was necessary. Seriously, look at her. If you can manage to do so.
Unsightly. I could barely stand to caress her hair and buy her things for more than fifteen or twenty minutes.
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